How Size Matters

When fresh out of school, I had no access to projects that would pay me. I was, however, perfectly willing to work for free, to come home from waiting tables only to stay up ‘til the wee hours rehearsing and building a set. This passion to make opportunities for myself – yes, “come hell or high water” – led to years of regular small theater work and the creation of anearly digital short film collective. It got me started on the road to paying work. On the way, I made a decision that was helpful then but which I am reconsidering now.

In late 2006 and early 2007, I was so busy making “small projects” of short films – by that point 35mm and 16mm shorts with folks like Ron Perlman (No. 6) 

 

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and Eric Stoltz (The Grand Design)

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– and 99-seat LA theater, not to mention working the day job, that I had no time to works towards a “big project,” like my first feature. (I had started traveling for regional theater work in Philly and off-B’way, so it did/does seem the small theater started to pay off, but that doesn’t really pay bills, and the travel time, while thrilling, made it even harder to put together a larger project.)

So I made a decision: I swore off small projects. I said “no more short films” and “no more small LA theater.” The idea was to take all that time and energy and pump it into fewer, larger projects.

In part from that decision, I cleared the space to make Make Believe in 2009 and 2010. It was a wonderful and fulfilling ride. It also opened doors, allowed me to set up a film idea at a studio, and led to more and larger theater and indie film projects in the pipeline. But by the end of last year, as the Make Believe hubbub quieted, I found myself in a tough position: many projects in the pipeline, but nothing that would exit the pipeline and become real any time soon. And to not be working, to not be actively engaged in creating is both painful and bad for my craft, especially as an actor.

So I started to realize: the nice thing about small projects is that you can make them happen entirely on your own or with only a small crew of collaborators. Big things, by definition, require the market and a bunch of other people to respond. In so harshly cutting off small projects, I cut off my independence, something I prized and had worked for.

Now I’m feeling it’s time to reconnect with that passion. It’s time to find small projects I know I can make regardless of the market, so that I am doing in a way that only requires my will and the dedication of collaborators. Thus: I’m off to scheme.